So today my oldest turns 23! Happy Birthday Jonathan! He is a miracle. I know. Other mom's say it... and I am sure they mean it with all the truth and love in their heart... But my son's truly are miracles! (For Real Real? We used to say that. Yes! For Real Real!) And there is a reason why.... (Ok its going to get graphic...LOL... so either quit reading... or be warned!) When I was 15 I had finally been placed with my brother and my sister-in-law. I had already been to several foster homes.... and had been neglected & abused for better part of half of my life (at least. I'm being generous.) By the time I got there I had no idea what a "normal" menstrual cycle looked like. I would start a period and bleed typically for 12 days and think nothing of it. One day my sister in law walked into the bathroom as we were getting ready in the morning.... I thought nothing of it by that time... we shared a small apartment with one bathroom... and we had to share... She happened in after I showered... I had passed a blood clot the size of a football. Instead of washing down the drain it stuck... I had to bend over and clean up the blood while my sister in law literally FREAKED OUT! I wondered what she was going on about.....??? (I couldn't stand girl drama... spiders and frogs... things that girls would scream about I cared nothing about... More boy then girl I always felt like I didnt fit in with girls... so the screaming? Ugh.) She calmed herself to the point she could speak and said "Cindy! What Happened!!!?" ummm my cycle? Nope. apparently the blood that was still pouring down my legs as I stand cleaning up the pile of blood in the tub was not "normal". Huh. Well it would have been nice if I had had a mom to tell me that. It had always been like that. She rushed me to the doctor. He used words we had never heard before. "endometriosis" , "bleeding to death" "so much scar tissue. More then I have ever seen! How long has she been like this?" The pain that felt like child labor (which I didn't know until much later.) wasn't at all normal. I was anemic and very fortunate not to have bled to death and I was told that I most likely NEVER be able to have children. *Blink Blink* I had no idea how to feel. I hadn't thought that far ahead in life. I loved little children. Had often babysat... but hadn't figured out if I wanted to be a parent... and now... I never had to think about it. It wasn't an option? Thats why my 3 sons are miracles. Its not that all kids aren't special... But I was really never ever supposed to be able to. So MINE are SUPER special. My oldest still says out loud that he is a miracle. And its true. He is. But... Follow your dreams. And never say never.
Thats why when I became pregnant with him... and I was single... No relationship... everyone told me to get an abortion or put my son up for adoption. I didn't hear a single voice suggest I should keep him. I mean... I was a "wild child" actually... compared to others I hung out with I was tame... and especially by todays standards. I described it simply and still do as... I was a child with no parents or family. I answered to noone... It amazes me still that I even went to school or did my homework. There was no reason too! People may have suggested... but their opinions meant little. I was disregarded to often... thrown away by society. I certainly wasn't "Ready" to be a mother... Much less to an autistic child? But God apparently chose me. And so did Jonathan... And WOW... My children all changed my life. I can honestly say I was a GOOD Mom. An excellent mom!... I held myself to some high standards... and that was to not do what ANYONE ELSE that I knew personally had. So the orgies? Nope. Drinking and drugs? Not allowed. Even smoking? Not in my house. Outside. I paid $8.00 for cable and the only luxury I allowed myself... was the Disney channel... and it wasn't for myself... but my unborn son... I would smile and laugh and be happy 92.6% of the time! (Hey I was hormonal and very pregnant... and alone... I was entitled to a pity party once in a blue moon!)
Happy Happy Birthday Jonathan... I am hoping we can make it amazing... I hope it brings you Joy and makes you smile... you deserve it! Love Mom.
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