My husband just informed me he didn't get the purpose of this blog. (frowny face :( Tongue sticking out. :P ). Its simple... My 2 kids are tired of Kyle being the household focus... I AM TIRED of Kyle being the household focus. But I love him. So... Blog. I am in "help groups". Groups for families of addicts. They have heart breaking stories. Stories of children ODing and dying... Stories of crimes and prison... I don't have that... I have "My sons a REAL asshole." stories. No really... He is. It took me a loooooong time to admit it... so don't make me feel bad for saying it now. And I admit it. He is the kid that will demand the new video game console that he nagged you into promising you would "consider buying". It doesn't matter that you have a million medical bills... Or that he's no longer 10... He's the "I WANT A PONY!" child... but even at ages 18, 19, 20, 21 & 22! You know. The ages when you thought... Ok... It will no longer be my problem that he's so demanding and bratty... he's an ADULT now... That same quality on what he NEEDED and WANTED and the constant badgering of what "other families do" for their kids... (huh... really? Because not the people I am Facebook friends with...) its this kinda behavior that finally had us agreeing to dip into our 401K savings to help him buy a car. Of course the PROMISE was he would pay us back. But as soon as I found his incriminating cell 3 weeks ago? (And the loan is now 11 months old. Plenty of time to have paid us back... but the amount of money he owed us grew. "I want. I need. I don't have gas. I can't pay insurance." ) His promises of paying us back became... and I quote... " Oh no... SCREW YOU TWO... I won't ever pay you back!". We have raised a little monster. A spoiled one. Green with jealousy over what his friends or co workers have and he doesnt... and eyes big so he could take it all in. Ironic that he is THAT kid... I have always said I could live in a sea side little hut with a thatched roof. If I could do that and have a garden and my photography... I would be happy.... reading books to entertain myself. I dont need alot for happiness... So how did a kid as selfish and greedy as he is come from our house? We rarely said "no." And let me clue you in... I am thinking if you don't SAY it? If you like the word "yes" too much and people pleasing as me and my husband BOTH do? Your in trouble as a parent. I can honestly say though our other 2 sons are nothing like that. So... It was a crap shot? A Roll of the dice. And its just how it ended up? Not in my head.... But probably. I will let God tell me when the time is right... because I look back? And I dont see a whole lot we could have or should have done differently.... We made sure we were clear of drugs and drinking (for the most part... some drinking.) in our home... Friends and family members with habit formed issues? Not allowed... And it was painful at times being close to someone and not wanting them around your family. Kyle was watched. We had "friends" over to our house... It was the hangout spot. We knew the friends and even intimate details of their lives... We kept it fun... (or tried too.) even when family drama came up... we tried to distance ourselves... but in still a healthy and helpful way... My brother got an ugly divorce? (we tried not to take sides...) Our kids hurting from the thought of losing cousins. I thought we had done good... and played it safe. My husband recently told me I couldn't write a "parenting guide" I wasn't ... parent of the year either... I questioned " Oh really? What? And when?" He had nothing. I mean.... NOTHING. He said I was the one who always punished and criticized and disciplined... I had tried to hard to make him do his homework. It does sound like questionable parenting too me... LOL... So now, day 18 in our new year... I am doing it different... a little chocolate Baileys in my coffee... Before 7 am... Yupo... the floor can remain covered in dog hair a little bit longer then is mentally "comfortable" for me. Laundry can pile up where I need to wash 3 loads. Its Ok. The world wont end. And I won't stain stick the stains as they pile up. My perfect little family isn't perfect... It wasn't a facade for people... It was a Goal I had... After my shitty little childhood... I knew my kids life wouldn't be that... It would be the 1940's America you saw on TV. Aprons and women cooking and vacuuming in high heels... Minus the high heels... I have a tendency too trip. I would bake homemade pie from scratch... and make homemade baby food instead of buying Gerbers... And I did. It was our home life for many many years... I'm just tired now. And a little sad of it all. So... I blog.