But after briefly discussing if the alarm system is STILL necessary since our son and his friends haven't made the attempt to break in quite yet... I assured my husband... that yes... I think $34.99 a month after the initial $200.00 is necessary. He has made it clear he wants in. Not for hugs and kisses and those Barney the Dinosaur watching moments I had created in early childhood... but to do us harm... And to rob us. His pals with their police crime records may help and join him. I don't feel safe with what my son chooses to do... or how he has treated our family.
My beautiful son Kyle when he was clean and not so angry. |
Watching other peoples little ones was my joy for the day... That and being with my youngest son and my husband... The autism makes Brandon a little less amazed. He doesnt get that look in his eye. Those are the things I miss... A childs amazement and wonder at small things we take for granted. So I watch other people and their young ones all day long... Enjoying the amazement. It feels strange... focusing on other peoples joy. But I have so little right now... So I can take a little right?
So much to see... Joy an amazement all over. Kids smiling and parents smiling... Then we walked by one little girl... And she is screaming and telling her parents to "Shut up!" and she "would do it herself". A silent look between me and my husband. Yup. I know that high pitched scream in public. The one where your hoping you somehow go unnoticed by all. Its our son Kyle allllll over again. Here I was dreaming of grandchildren all day and one little girl screams and brings me back to my reality. Kids are cute an adorable... But you can't control their actions or behavior... Its something that they can come too naturally. Deep in their souls and minds the moment they are born. I can feel the hope dying slowly in me. This sucks. John is still hoping he goes to rehab. But I knew the second we voiced that we WANTED Kyle to go? That was the end of that. Kyle likes to still pretend its opposite day. Lets do the opposite of whatever... Its tiring and draining. His self destruction mode never ends... Hopefully SOON... Have a good day!
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