Yesterday wasn't much... but it was the world! After the start of me New Year... a break from what has become my Daymare (night is no longer alone for bad thoughts.) was needed... We decided all things Kyle would no longer be in our mouths... (At least for a day...) We ALMOST made it. Almost. He's our son... we are going to worry. We are going to be mad that its like this... instead of "normal".
But after briefly discussing if the alarm system is STILL necessary since our son and his friends haven't made the attempt to break in quite yet... I assured my husband... that yes... I think $34.99 a month after the initial $200.00 is necessary. He has made it clear he wants in. Not for hugs and kisses and those Barney the Dinosaur watching moments I had created in early childhood... but to do us harm... And to rob us. His pals with their police crime records may help and join him. I don't feel safe with what my son chooses to do... or how he has treated our family.
 |
| My beautiful son Kyle when he was clean and not so angry. |
|
The plan was the aquarium. Lock the house up tight... and leave for a few hours. Not every waking moment should be wondering and hoping and fear... Fear that he may never get it right. And fear that he is addicted to the life he has put himself in.
Watching other peoples little ones was my joy for the day... That and being with my youngest son and my husband... The autism makes Brandon a little less amazed. He doesnt get that look in his eye. Those are the things I miss... A childs amazement and wonder at small things we take for granted. So I watch other people and their young ones all day long... Enjoying the amazement. It feels strange... focusing on other peoples joy. But I have so little right now... So I can take a little right?
So much to see... Joy an amazement all over. Kids smiling and parents smiling... Then we walked by one little girl... And she is screaming and telling her parents to "Shut up!" and she "would do it herself". A silent look between me and my husband. Yup. I know that high pitched scream in public. The one where your hoping you somehow go unnoticed by all. Its our son Kyle allllll over again. Here I was dreaming of grandchildren all day and one little girl screams and brings me back to my reality. Kids are cute an adorable... But you can't control their actions or behavior... Its something that they can come too naturally. Deep in their souls and minds the moment they are born. I can feel the hope dying slowly in me. This sucks. John is still hoping he goes to rehab. But I knew the second we voiced that we WANTED Kyle to go? That was the end of that. Kyle likes to still pretend its opposite day. Lets do the opposite of whatever... Its tiring and draining. His self destruction mode never ends... Hopefully SOON... Have a good day!
My dad was diagnosed with early onset Parkinson's disease at 57.his symptoms were shuffling of feet,slurred speech, low volume speech, degradation of hand writing, horrible driving skills, right arm held at 45 degree angle, but now he finally free from the disease with the help of total cure from ULTIMATE LIFE CLINIC, he now walks properly and all symptoms has reversed, he had trouble with balance especially at night, getting into the shower and exiting it is difficult,getting into bed is also another thing he finds impossible.we had to find a better solution for his condition which has really helped him a lot,the biggest helped we had was ultimate life clinic they walked us through the proper steps,am highly recommended this www.ultimatelifeclinic.com to anyone who needs help.
ReplyDelete